Unconditionally Loving?!

My parents modeled a friendly outlook, and that impressed me as a worthwhile energy to put forth in the world. I mean really, wouldn’t we all like to be received as being of value and worth?! Sure beats being met with indifference! Sadly, it is my impression that indifference is becoming more the norm in dealing with those we don’t know.

I used to run a lot, somewhere between thirty and fifty miles a week from the late 1970’s into the middle 80’s, until tennis diverted me from steady mileage. In those days eye contact was a given, particularly between runners. It seemed a very rare thing not to get at least momentary acknowledgement of shared space, shared endeavor. As I passed pedestrians going my way I gave a wave (partly because my nearly-blind grandmother had shared how disorienting it was to get passed quickly). I usually did something of that nature while approaching walkers reversing my course. I may have noticed a difference when Sony came out with the Walkman. Some runners put a greater proportion of their consciousness in a different place.

This has not improved with time! It’s become more widespread: iPods, bluetooth ear-pieces, cell phone conversations in all sorts of public places, phones attached to the ears of people who take offense that someone would actually listen to the words they are putting out there at easily audible levels.

Several times in recent weeks Coco and I startled people who were walking and texting, apparently expecting the seas of people in front of them to part in deference to their focus on other things. I swear, I’ve stared and looked for a chance to break into attention to work out directional signals for as many as thirty feet without an opening.

I get a similar feeling when crossing driveways while drivers on cell-phones wait for Coco and I to pass (or sometimes, don’t wait), like we don’t have time for people who move on feet any more, like we think life can be lived with a minimum of interactions. Seems to me a regrettable waste of opportunities at hand.

I miss polite acknowledgment. I’m not looking to make time. I’m just trying to live fully into each particular moment of God’s creation, and celebrating the creatures with whose paths I am crossing. I’m probably a little lonely at this moment in my journey, and that makes me more sensitive about this phenomenon.

I went to church a couple of weeks ago and found a greeter who had other things to do. Her grandson was with her, and at the moment of her interaction with me she seemed to be thinking more of what in the U.M. Church we’ve been calling Safe Sanctuaries than with greeting this stranger in front of her. I understood to some extent, we send multiple messages: be friendly, protect the children, but I was a little disappointed to not even be offered a bulletin.

A week or so later I went to another church and asked them if I might use their parking lot for about an hour early on weekday mornings. She told me I could, if I payed them ninety-five dollars a semester-- ‘after all, it wouldn’t be fair to charge the other students and not charge you’. I told the secretary I understood: “you see I am a pastor, I know it gets complicated.” To that she said, “You know if you were to attend this church, then we’d give you a pass!”

I remember in one of the last churches I served, we learned that a growing church needed a place to hold services on Sundays, and that they also could use our space for a weeknight program. A retired pastor in the congregation who’d served in Indiana said he didn’t think we should consider taking them in because there would be more wear and tear on the facility and we‘d have to schedule our activities in cooperation. The Finance Committee came up with a suggested fee which at the time looked to me like about half of our monthly budget. I wanted this other church near because I was greatly touched by their earnestness and fire, and frankly I was a bit disappointed in my existing congregation’s urgency about living faith. We finally did host the second church for a more modest fee, but deep down I wished we’d have had more heart for grace, for seeing the situation less for what was in it for us, and more because the one we follow gave abundantly. Weren’t the least among us featured prominently in Jesus’ teachings? Isn’t hospitality a foundational element in both Judaism and Christianity? The Jewish, Muslim and Christian folks I’ve met in the Middle East blew me away with their hospitality.

But in churches I’ve met some folks who suggested they were not gifted for hospitality. Really, I couldn’t believe I’d heard it either! That sounds more like a faith which is puffed up than a faith built upon humility. An individual voicing such a thing doesn’t sound like a candidate for leadership as much as someone you bring along so they can continue growth.

Can anyone who is discovering how truly wondrous a gift they themselves have received feel indifferent to extending love and hospitality?! Can they really be conditional in spreading love?